im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
