my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
