Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
