Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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