Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
