he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
