everyone is single if you try hard enough
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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