if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
