He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
