Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
