talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
