looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize