i need an iv and a liver transplant
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
