We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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