i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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