i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
