i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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