Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
