I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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