I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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