There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
