Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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