what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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