You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so let's talk penis.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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