I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
