I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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