are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
