The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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