great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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