I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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