I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize