but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
