doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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