Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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