I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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