Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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