can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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