I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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