i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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