i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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