weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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