wanna go halves on a baby?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Randomize
