the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
