So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
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Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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