whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Less talking, more tequila
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
