Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
