Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
