Someone shit on the floor
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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