we have pet lesbian snakes
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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