We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
