Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize