Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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