I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
