It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
