I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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