The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
