I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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