Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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