I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
