Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
