Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
