Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
