well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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