It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think i got beer on your cat.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
