Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
