She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
