So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
